Kencho

14 Dec

If you work with me, you know that I say this word a lot.

It means nervous in Japanese.

Some of you may be asking “Why are you nervous? You should be excited!”

Yes, I am excited to go back to America for Christmas.

BUT

I am also very nervous.

I am nervous because in my mind, things are all still the same. People are all still friends and some people aren’t even really married yet in my mind.

But all of those things have happened over the past 10.5 months. People have fallen out with each other. Friends have gotten married and moved away. Friends have gotten engaged. Friends have faced hard trials in their life.

I am nervous because I don’t know how well I am going to handle all of this. I am nervous that I am going to be a different person, which I am, and I won’t have the right words to say.

I’m nervous about my transition from single small apartment to a five bedroom house with 4 other people. I know that it is only for 16 days but still… kencho.

 

 

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2 Responses to “Kencho”

  1. hannahruthie December 16, 2010 at 1:55 am #

    I wish I could assure you that it won’t be different..

    it reminds me of the nelson mandela quote, “There’s nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to fine the ways in which you yourself have altered.”

    except in your case, both you and home have changed. I’ll be praying for you, Mal.. praying for a smooth transition and that you guys can pick up where things left off even though there are some big changes.

  2. Alece December 22, 2010 at 6:36 am #

    it’s okay to be nervous-excited. the home you’re coming home to is different than the home you left. so there’s a sense of familiarity and comfortability but also of change and different. it’s a unique tension to live in. i get that full well. so fully embrace both feelings. and, as much as you’re able, try not to let anticipation swallow you whole. especially of the hard things. i don’t know about you but i can work myself up thinking through all the negatives how something might be… and often i find the anticipatory worries are worse than anything in real life turns out to be.

    all that rambling to say…

    i’m nervous-excited with and for you!

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